27 (semi) Life-Shattering Realizations for my 27th Birthday

You guys. I think it’s time I come clean.

I recently had my birthday.

I’m 27.

My thoughts exactly, Kevin McAllister.

For the first time that I can remember, I was legit sad about getting older. I’m not trying to complain, I know i still have many many great years ahead of me. And, no way in heck am I going to give up my #quarterlifer status. However, on that day and in that moment I felt lonely and old and got to thinking about all of the realizations that I’ve had as I’ve gotten older. Some were sad, some were happy, some were dumb. Some probably were just random day-dreams of stuff that has nothing to do with being 27 at all.

So… here they are!

1. It’s been, like, 10 years since you were in High School. 

What the… I swear I was just there!

2. If you think you’ve skipped a step, you’ll probably end up having to repeat it later on. 

When I graduated I thought I was so clever and smart and lucky to have got a job basically right away. Little did I know that having things come so easily would mean that it was twice as hard to go through the motions when I would lose my job a year later.

3. Some people you baby-sat for are now in college. 

This is just wrong!

4. The first South Park short was created in 1992. THAT’S OVER 20 YEARS AGO!

…The show didn’t debut until 1997, though.

Preach it, Twitch. 

5. Drinking can be fun. But, the older you get, the tougher it is to bounce back. 

Gone are the days when you could roll outta bed, grab some Starbucks and sweats and take on your day. If I’m hungover, the day is shot. Period.

6. Right now you’re the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again. 

Think about it.

7. You can actually do some pretty sweet things at 27!

8. Those “couple” gray hairs you had and pulled in College are now multiplied. And they’re never going away. 

*sobs*

9. This buzzfeed is now more applicable to you than this one. 

10. You can still remember the lyrics to all the songs you listened to in Middle School and High School

And you’d rather listen to those songs at a party than the new stuff they’re playing on the radio.

Dance moves are luckily still the same. Right? 

11. The older you get, the less random, and more inevitable death feels. 

When you’re younger, you maybe experience death as a random tragedy. Maybe your great grandma who you barely remember, or some tragic accident that happens to a friend of a friend. If life has been particularly unkind, someone close to you maybe passed. The older I get though, the more people I know (who I’ve talked to, hugged, touched…) die. And, each time it happens I am reminded of the impermanence of our lives here.

12. If you make it through this year, you’re better off than a lot of people. 

13.  And, you’re now at an age where fads don’t really phase you! 

Now, you’re free to create your own fads, and be yourself. Or don’t. Whatever! So now you don’t have to pretend you know what you mean when you hear kids say “that’s SO ratchet.”

14. …But! You’re young enough to enjoy things (including new fads) which might be deemed “uncool.”

She just bein’ Miley (and I love it). 

15. Gay marriage is now legal in 16 States! 

Love is the law.

16. …But you can still marry your first cousin in 20.

…Why?

17. When your friends get married and start families, your relationships with them are never the same. 

I’m not necessarily saying you will grow apart or even that there’s anything bad about that. But when your friends have these big life milestones it changes their priorities and way of life, which unavoidably changes your relationships.

18. If you live long enough, you’ll probably get cancer.

If you’re me, you’re probably going to get it from Diet Coke.

19. Kindergartners today have probably never seen an episode of Reading Rainbow.

Reading Rainbow went off the air in 2006.

They will never know this man. 

20. You’ve used Facebook for so long, that you no longer care what updates they make to it, since privacy is all an illusion anyway.

Anyone remember that big debacle with Facebook in 2006 or 2007 when they posted the News Feed? Or when they switched over to timeline? Yeah, we do, and we don’t care at all.

21. You now (sort of) know the value of a dollar. 

You probably don’t spend money on as much dumb crap as you did when you were younger. $6.00 Frappucino? Ummm. Howabout a small black coffee?

You’re also probably willing to spring for something more expensive if you know you’re going to get good value out of it. Like a nice hotel room split with friends instead of a roach-infested hostel. Or, some mid-shelf liquor, instead of the Vodka that comes in the giant plastic bottle.

22. No matter how old you get,  it will always be awkward to watch a movie sex scene with your parents. 

23. …At the same time, you’re now old enough to appreciate (and sometimes even enjoy hanging out with) your parents. 

It also helps if you don’t live with them.

24. You can now doodle in 3D! 

Can I has it? 

25. There is now one dress for each year you are old in this movie. 

Ok. I know I’m reaching here.

26. There’s still a TON of stuff you need to figure out. 

People are getting married, finding dream jobs, going back to school, moving away, starting families, ending relationships. In the midst of all of this craziness how am I supposed to know where I’m going and what I want? 

What?! You’re telling me I need to pay for my own health insurance, too? COME. ON.

However…

27. …you’re still young, smart, talented, and frickin’ fabulous.

Now, sashay away you fabulous thing, you.